Journal Entry

Well I just wanted to write a journal entry on some thoughts about how we are doing since my last emotional journal. Again this is therapy for me to get some things off my chest. It just so happens to be open to the public. I want to be very clear that we are very happy. We are very blessed. We are still very much in love with each other. A From my last journal entry not much has changed. I still feel the same way and I still keep my guard up so I don't fall apart, but I do have my moments. The only thing I can do at that point is feel the pain and disappointment in my heart. It is this eternal love we share that is behind the pain of not being able to share it with a child. We embrace this trial we don't understand at this time. My tears and pleas' with my Father in Heaven are not murmurs, whining or temper tantrums, but they are to receive strength to endure the pain and have some of it removed so that I can endure it and understand. I am not asking or wanting pity, nor do I say "oh woe is me!" How can one say such a thing when only a Heavenly King can see the entire picture. I do believe that God answers prayers and that He wants us to be happy even if there are disappointments in life. I do know that we can receive all that He has if we obedient to his commandments. I am also very grateful for unanswered prayers that go eventually answered in his time and in his very special way. Again I say that we are soo blessed in other ways. I pray for his will to be done and not mine...because he knows what is best for me and what will bring me back to His presence. Who knows as I put even more trust in Him maybe the pain I cannot bear will be removed or at least lightened. I look forward to that day when we will be able to have our own bundle of joy. It is this hope that there is faith. Until then we will count our blessings and endure to the end with our Savior right beside us to bear us up with this very painful and disappointing trial.