I think I made it through the much dreaded moment of the week. I have cried and then cried some more to the point of numbing myself from any pain. Writing this just brings tears to my eyes because of the emptiness and awful pain I feel in my heart. Hence the reason I am in a daze. I can't believe we are having to process what we are having too. Maybe it is denial or maybe it is grief or maybe it is anger and maybe it all of the above. Whatever it is I know that Heavenly Father and Christ are the only ones who know what and how we are feeling even when I don't. So many times this week I have been reminded of all my many many blessings, but it still doesn't take the pain away and it probably won't go away for awhile. Like I have said before I know all the standard sunday school answers. The advice that people tend to give doesn't ever make me feel better and in fact it just makes me feel worse. Although I know they mean well. I would prefer people to just leave me alone. I just can't handle people and their judgements, advice and inconsideration. If people want to help in any way then they can pray for us. I just need respect and privacy because I am fragile.
We have offered many mighty prayers to the Lord. My favorite scripture for our situation is found in Doctrine and Covenants 122. Joseph Smith is crying out in prayer to the Lord for all that the saints have suffered. He actually gives the Lord a list! He wanted how to know much more was the Lord going to allow till he put an end to it. I love how the lord gives a list back to Joseph Smith and then he says in verse 7 " know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good. 8. The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?" WOW! What a humbling phrase. Because I am not above the Savior I can get through this and maybe even descend lower, but the Lord will stand by me every step of the way as we (including Caleb) take some scary steps together. I am so grateful for my husband. He is such a wonderful,patient man. I am so lucky he loves me. Together with the lord we can accomplish what seems overbearing.
6 comments:
My dear Heidi, I don't know what is going on, and I won't ask because you request privacy, and I know that some things are just not for everyone else to know. But, whatever it is, know that I am praying for you and that I hope all becomes well for you soon! I love you sweetums! Just remember that the Lord doesn't try us more than what we are able bear. Even if it seems like it is unbearable. Just continue to lean on the Lord. Heck, I bet he would give you a piggy-back if needed ;)
I am so sorry for the things you are having to go through. But know that we LOVE you both very much and you are always in our prayers, but we will even pray that much harder for you!! Huggs and Kisses!!
I love you! But of course you already know that! Please call when you are free! I want to hear all about your newly decorated house!
Oh Heidi my dear.. hang in there!
I know what your heart desires but remember our Heavenly Father has this great and wonderful plan for you.
All things will work together for your good just as they as supposed to and exactly the right time they are supposed to.
Until then, keep your chin up and enjoy life because it goes by to quick to sit and think about to much of what you don't have.
We love you and I wish there was a way I could make it better for you.
oh my you will for sure be in our prayers! i love you heidi!!!
yo sista! call me I want to hear about your house!
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